Enter the land of Scriptchat, where unicorns frolic, writing deals are made, and tequila pours from fountains. Okay, maybe there aren’t any unicorns…

Dear Jessica Alba: We haven’t met, but I’m a screenwriter. I’m one of those pale, intelligent-looking people you occasionally notice on the set, looking upset every time you put your own spin on a line of dialogue. Sorry if I distract you when I’m on the set, but if strangers didn’t enjoy looking at you, you wouldn’t really have a career, so I hope we’re cool…